Book Review: Gossip by Bob Burg and Lori Palatnik, Part 1

Part 1 of an interview with Bob Burg and book review of Gossip: Ten Pathways to Eliminate It From Your Life and Transform Your Soul

Bob Burg is a former gossiper. He readily admits that at one point in his life, whenever he’d get angry at someone, he’d spread gossip about that person. But this co-author (with Lori Palatnik) of “Gossip” came to realize how destructive gossiping can be; that it can ruin lives, split families, alienate friends, and destroy businesses. In this first part of our interview, Mr. Burg offers suggestions for ridding your life of that negative talk -- gossip.

Why do you think people gossip?
Gossip comes from a place within us, but there are different reasons why each of us gossips. For some people, it’s just fun to gossip -- if it wasn’t some sort of fun, people wouldn’t do it. Unfortunately, it’s fun at someone else’s expense. As Lori Palatnik, my co-author, says, “It’s fun -- unless you’re the target of it.” Some people gossip because they think they have to put someone else down in order to build themselves up.

People might gossip because they feel they have nothing else to talk about, or they think they can gain power by putting down someone else. If that’s the reason you gossip, it’s time to ask yourself where you are in your life. Life must be rather empty if your conversation has to be about other people in a negative way. So ask yourself if you’re reaching your potential.

We define gossip as “any type of harmful or hurtful communication that’s not absolutely necessary to share.” With that definition in mind, there is no good gossip. There’s networking and sharing positive information, but any “harmful or hurtful communication” is gossip -- and that’s all negative.

What are some ways gossiping can cause us to hurt ourselves?
Realize that if you have good “people skills,” you’ll be liked and trusted. Gossipers typically are not liked and they never are trusted. They don’t have people’s confidence. But to become gossip-free makes your life a lot more peaceful. It makes your relationships healthy, and it adds to the emotional and financial prosperity in your life. When you’re not gossiping, your people skills improve, and other people feel as if they know you, like you and trust you.

What are some ways we can avoid listening to gossip?
One way is to stay away from situations where gossip is spoken. For instance, if there’s a social get-together or business meeting, and you know a certain group of people tends to gossip to each other, stay away from that group. Of course, staying away from an entire group of people isn’t always realistic, so you need other ways to avoid listening to gossip. Let’s say there s a certain person who always gossips. She’s your friend, but you’d prefer not to have that gossiping part of the relationship continue. What do you do? You prepare in advance something to say that will change the subject.

For instance, say you know that Mary will try to corner you to share a juicy tidbit. But you also know that Mary has a daughter who’s a star soccer player. You wait until Mary takes a breath, and then you congratulate her on her daughter’s recent win. If Mary tries to get back to gossiping after that, change the subject again. Finally, if you can’t keep her from returning the conversation to gossip, correct her with kindness. Use an “I” message, which isn’t accusatory. For example, say something like, “I feel a little uncomfortable talking about David when he’s not here.” As long as you say it with kindness, respect and tact, Mary will get your message and not take offense. Remember that tact is the language of strength.

Read part 2 of this Gossip book review in the next post.