Book Review: If Success Is a Game, These Are the Rules, Part 2

Part 2 of an interview with author Cherie Carter-Scott, PhD, and book review of If Success Is a Game, These Are the Rules

Whether you’re climbing the corporate ladder or racing along the mommy (or daddy) track, it’s important to have a vision of where you’re going. You can’t win the game if you don’t know the rules. In this conclusion of our interview with Dr. Cherie Carter-Scott, she offers her insight on mastering the life’s most important rules.

Why do you feel every setback offers valuable lessons?
You can look at the setback as a tragedy, a “woe is me” situation, or you can take the point of view that there’s something for you to learn from the setback. And if you believe that there’s something to learn, then everything that happens to you is an opportunity to grow, to discover and to uncover. Everything is an opportunity to learn. Believing that is a really healthy way of living. If you learn from the setbacks then you can pick yourself up, dust yourself off, learn the lesson and go on to succeed.

The process of attaining success isn’t something that’s finite, like winning and losing. When you race, at the end you know you’ve either won or lost. But if you’re in the process of becoming a success, you might fail but it doesn’t mean you’re through. Even failing (that is, having a setback) is an opportunity to succeed the next time. If you don’t have setbacks you can’t become empowered and learn from the adversity of life.

How does managing resources lead to success?
We all have resources. We have time, energy, people in our network, and financial resources. We don’t always look at those four things as resources, but they are available for us to use. Most people say they don’t have enough time, for example, instead of saying, “This is the time I have. How can I use it more effectively?” It’s the same with money. They will say they don’t have enough money, instead of saying, “This is the money I have. How can I use it more effectively?”

It comes down to choices. We all have choices to make and no matter how much money or how much time we have, there is always a choice. And with each one of those choices comes a certain consequence. For instance, people often tell me they’ve always wanted to – fill in the blank: be a writer or a public speaker or take flying lessons. My response to them is: “What are you doing today to move that forward?” They say they don’t have the time. And I tell them to make the time. Find 30 minutes. Find 10 minutes. Find even five minutes, and do something to move it forward.

Manage your people resources. Don’t ignore the people in your life because they are important for your support. None of us does anything alone. We all need people, and you need to use people in a supportive context. Also, be careful with your financial resources. Don’t spend everything you make. And manage your energy -- don’t just dissipate it. Don’t say yes to everything that comes along. Store your energy and use it for something that’s really important to you.

How do you advise people to adjust as they become successful?
It’s been said that you see the same people on your way up the ladder of success as you see on the way down. It’s true. People who won’t talk to you because you aren’t “someone” will become your best friend when you achieve a certain amount of notoriety. People are fickle. Make certain that your anchors, your stable community, your family, the people who are your friends before you achieve success are the type who will still be there no matter what happens. Make certain you have authentic relationships before and along the way of achieving success in your life.

Why is success a process that never ends?
As long as you’re alive there’s another mountain to climb; there’s another challenge. Once you take care of your own needs, there are people around you who need your help and support. Once you take care of the family, then it’s your community or society. It’s a matter of giving back. We don’t live on islands. We aren’t egocentric people who are here only to take care of ourselves. Once we get ourselves into a condition of healthy living, then it’s time to take care of those around us.

What’s your best piece of advice?
Focus on your definition of success for yourself, and then ask yourself if you’re willing to write down and follow the steps that will take you closer to achieving that definition of success.

Read part 1 of this book review in the previous post.

Book Review: If Success Is a Game, These Are the Rules, Part 1

Part 1 of an interview with author Cherie Carter-Scott, PhD, and book review of If Success Is a Game, These Are the Rules

For many of us, the road to success is strewn with potholes. Motivational speaker Cherie Carter-Scott, PhD, has learned to successfully navigate those dips in the road to reach a desired end. In this first part of our interview with Dr. Carter-Scott, she shares her simple yet profound wisdom on how to begin the journey.

What’s the definition of success?
The first rule is that each person has to define success in his or her own terms. My definition wouldn’t necessarily work for anyone else; it’s my own definition. Success for me is having lived a life that fulfilled my potential and I felt was worth living. It doesn’t necessarily have to do with fame, fortune or prestige; it has a lot to do with my soul and the fulfillment of my existence. My sense of fulfillment is to honor what is speaking to me in my inner wisdom. It’s what beckons to me, whether it’s helping people in their life transitions, or living my own dreams, such as learning how to fly a plane. My definition of success is to listen to the inner wisdom that beckons and stretches us to be all of who we are.

Why do you think self-trust is essential to success?
Self-trust is essential because if you don’t trust yourself you’ll constantly second-guess yourself. You’ll question your choices and decisions. You might say “Maybe this isn’t the right thing to do” or “Maybe I shouldn’t do that.” Any time you reach for success in any capacity it usually means you need to listen to what your inner guide is telling you, and then honor it. But if you don’t trust yourself, you probably won’t do that.

What are some stepping stones along the path to success?
The process goes like this: You first define success for yourself, and then work on really wanting it. (Does it really ignite the fire in your belly so you’ll want to go for it?) The next step is to trust yourself and define your goals. Your goals are somewhere between where you are at the present time and where you ultimately want to be. You define your own goals no one can do that for you. Goals are reasonable, realistic, attainable steps that take you beyond where you are presently and make you move forward in the direction you want to go.

Each step should be specific, measurable, tangible and attainable so that you can see if you’ve actually reached your goal. For instance, if my goal is to drive from Los Angeles to Chicago, I’ll know I’ve reached my goal when I see a sign at the city limits that reads “Welcome to Chicago.” Make your stepping stones tangible so you can see that you’re there, and acknowledge it. But even if you don’t achieve the goal, there’s something to learn from that process.

How do actions affect outcomes?
You might think that everybody says they want to be successful, and that’s true on a general level. But a lot of people say things like “I would like to make X amount of dollars,” or “I’d like to be in a profession I truly love” or “I’d like to find my soul mate” -- but then they don’t do anything about it.

You have to get off the couch. You have to actually get out there and do something before your desired outcome will happen. Your actions are terribly important. It isn’t that the action itself will produce the outcome you wish, but that action sends a message to the universe that you’re not just wishing and hoping something will happen. You’re actively doing something to cause it to happen.

Read the conclusion of this book review in the next post.

Book Review: Take Time for Your Life by Cheryl Richardson, Part 2

Part 2 of a discussion with author Cheryl Richardson and book review of Take Time for Your Life

"So much to do, so little time!" If your life is speeding past and you can't catch up, and you feel overwhelmed by the many things that demand your attention, then it’s time to slow down and Take Time for Your Life. Author and personal coach Cheryl Richardson knows it's not easy to create the life of your dreams; it takes hard work, courage and a commitment to change. She also knows that instituting such a change takes a plan. In this conclusion of our interview with Cheryl Richardson, she shares her strategies on how to create an action plan for dynamic change.

How can we improve our financial lives?
You need to first recognize that unless you're a good steward for your money, it's going to be really hard to bring more money into your life. What I've learned over the last 18 years of dealing with people and their money is that abundance flows into our lives when we trust ourselves enough to handle it. Are you someone who creates debt when you can't pay off the debt you already have? Do you keep procrastinating over starting a savings account, or neglecting to balance your checkbook or pay your bills on time? If so, you're sending a message to yourself that you're not a good steward for your money. But if you're struggling financially, the quickest way to turn things around is to take full responsibility for your financial health. You can simply ask yourself, "What's the one thing I need to do to improve my financial health that I keep putting off?" Just use that simple strategy.

You may find that you know what needs to be done but don't know how to go about it. For example, you need to balance your accounts but you have no idea how to do it. Then what do you do? The first step is to ask for help. Or if your bank account is not getting a high enough interest rate but you are clueless about what to do to change it, the first step is to do some research and get some help. Most people who experience fear and anxiety over money think it's just that -- the bills that aren't being paid or their increasing debt -- but most of the anxiety comes from inaction. It comes from not doing something when you know you need to take action. For example, you may have bills that need to be paid, and the number of unpaid bills keeps growing and growing. You become more and more anxious, and as you become more anxious, you also become more paralyzed by your fear. But if you just do something about it -- even if you can only pay some of the bills -- you'll usually feel a lessening of your anxiety. You'll feel a sense of relief for having taken action. Ignorance is not bliss when it comes to money.

How does the "adrenaline habit" impede us?
Because we live in a society that's fed by technology, we've become overly reliant on information. While information is important -- you need it to make informed decisions -- what really matters is wisdom; the wisdom you can get when you slow down enough to check inside yourself. That's where you'll get some of your best advice and your most creative ideas.

As long as you stay connected to thinking -- living in your head and intellectualizing everything and staying busy -- you'll keep using adrenaline to fuel yourself. Eventually, you'll burn out. It can cause physical and emotional problems. It will be difficult to focus and difficult to relax or complete projects or sleep at night. Adrenal burnout is at epidemic proportions in this country and it is often misdiagnosed.

When you're running on adrenaline but you're still unable to get enough accomplished, you'll turn to unhealthy fuel, like sugar and caffeine. Sugar will give you a temporary jolt and it will calm a body that’s been running on adrenaline and can't slow down. You may turn to junk food and carbohydrates because those things will allow your system to calm down, but they're only short fixes. What you need to do is start replacing unhealthy fuel with healthier fuel.

What are some alternatives to using adrenaline for energy?
Slow down and give yourself more time. Schedule breaks between appointments and all that social networking, and learn to sit with boredom, even if it's uncomfortable. Of course, even though that's all well and good, if your adrenal system is overused and is in serious trouble, you can take all the time in the world and you may still have a difficult time slowing down and relaxing. It might be that you need to have your adrenal system tested to find out how it functions during the day. The first healthy type of fuel might be some type of supplementation, such as a good multivitamin.

After you've had your adrenal system tested, you can then work on replacing your frenetic energy with peace. Some people do this with simple daily tasks, such as talking, writing and using the computer more slowly. Instead of checking your voice mail or e-mail several times a day, check it twice -- once at 10 in the morning and once at 4 the afternoon. Even if your inner voice tells you that in your job you have to check mail every five minutes, don’t believe that. You may need to check more frequently than twice a day but if you're checking every five minutes you are not being as productive as you could be.

How does it enrich our lives to build a soulful community or honor our spiritual well-being?
When we come to the end of our lives, what we're going to care most about are the people with whom we spent our lives. There's a good chance your boss isn't going to show up at your desk and say, "Thank you so much for the vacations you gave up to get your work done." Your customers aren't going to tell you, "Thank you for those weekends you gave up with your kids to get our product launched." What's going to matter at the end of your life is who you love and who loves you. The only people you have to answer to are your loved ones and yourself -- so make sure you have the right answers.

Building a soulful community adds richness and meaning to your life. Feeling a sense of connection with people you love is what matters most. Don't worry about getting together with a large number of acquaintances for superficial chitchat. You may have to pare back your social calendar and invest more deeply in five or six relationships over the course of a year so that you can really spend time with people, instead of trying to always catch up with a lot of people.

As for your spiritual well-being, remember that most people long to live an authentic life; a life that reflects their deepest desires and their most treasured priorities. And the way to live an authentic life is to be connected to who you are, and to that very wise part of yourself, which I call the "wise self." I think of the wise self as the voice of the soul -- the deepest, most vulnerable part of you that will direct your life in very powerful ways if you allow yourself to be quiet long enough to listen. You have to go inside and pay attention to what's going on.

If you had only one important message, what would it be?
There are two things to remember: First, the only way your life is going to change is if you do something about it. To ensure that you'll do something to make changes, get yourself a partner. You need someone who will support you and improve the quality of your life, and someone you can support in return. It can be a friend, relative or spouse – anyone who shares your vision.

Second, take action. An improved quality of life is only one action step away. If you clean out a closet, you're going to feel better. If you change the oil in your car, you're going to feel better. If you balance your checkbook, you're going to feel better. And that feeling will provide you with momentum and fuel to keep going.

Read part 1 of this book review.

Book Review: Take Time for Your Life by Cheryl Richardson, Part 1

Part one of a two-part discussion with Cheryl Richardson and book review of Take Time for Your Life

Do you think "selfish" is a dirty word? If you routinely spend your time and energy attending to the needs of others before you think about yourself, personal coach Cheryl Richardson has a message for you: Get your priorities straight. Author of Take Time for Your Life, Richardson is an expert at teaching folks to overcome the common obstacles that steal precious time. She recently described her plan for regaining control of life and making time for the things that are most important.

What is extreme self-care?
Most people think about simple, temporary things when they think of self-care -- getting a massage or having a night out with your spouse. The concept of "extreme self-care" is one in which you take the concept of your body, mind and spirit more seriously. Look at where you're not honoring those parts of yourself on a daily basis. I use the word "extreme" because it grabs people's attention. Extreme self-care almost seems indulgent, which on some level is a good thing because most people, especially those who put the needs of others before their own, need to be challenged go to the opposite extreme in order to fall somewhere in the middle.

Take a serious look at the different areas of your life: your relationships, your environment, your work life, your family life, your own personal time, your body and mind, your intellectual health, your psychological health, your spirit. Look at all those different areas and then ask yourself if you're really taking good care of yourself -- or where you're violating yourself. Do you have a friend who constantly drains your energy but you don't say anything about it? Do you have a boss who humiliates you in front of other employees but you never set a boundary? Is your financial health in bad shape but you keep using charge cards, even though you can't pay off the debt you already have? What are the things you need to do to take good care of yourself?

How can people get their priorities right?
The first thing to do is to take some time to consider what your priorities are. Most of us are so busy that if I were to ask you, in the middle of a crazy and frenetic day, what your priorities are, the answer that you'd give me would be very different than if I asked you after you'd sat quietly for an afternoon and really contemplated what the things are in your life that really need your time and attention.

Most people will say their priorities are their loved ones or their health, but if you look at how they actually spend their time, it doesn't match up. It looks like people spend a lot more time on other things, rather than what they say is important. So the first step is to begin an inquiry of your priorities. Stop, take some quiet time, and ask yourself, "What needs my attention at this time in my life?" I'm not talking about goals and dreams here; I'm talking about things such as your financial situation, or your marriage, or a health concern. Focus on shaping up the life you already have, and then revisit that inquiry about your priorities every three to six months until you get your life in good shape.

How can people identify what's draining them?
Once you are clear on your priorities, it becomes easier to identify the things that aren't on the list. After you identify your top five priorities, the next question to ask is: "What's going on in my life that's preventing me from honoring those priorities, and what feels like it's draining my energy?" When you do that you might notice that it's the simple things. For instance, you get in your car and think, "I haven't had an oil change in a long time. I keep putting it off, but I really need to get that done." Sometimes it's the little day-to-day things that are broken or need to be maintained that drain your energy on a regular basis.

Or it might be a bigger drain, like the taxes that haven't been filed or a tax bill that hasn't been paid. It may be an aging parent who needs your attention and it feels draining because you're not getting any support. Begin to take an inventory during the day of the things that drive you crazy. Sometimes it's people; for example, a friend who's constantly complaining about her job, or a family member who complains about his marriage.

Try to identify what's preventing you from honoring your priorities. You might, for example, be volunteering your time in several places, but you haven't taken time to work on your home or your marriage or your financial health. You'll begin to realize there are certain things that you need to let go for a while.

Once you identify your energy drains there are three ways to handle them:

• Do it yourself. That's only for the things you, personally, need to do, like going to the dentist or the doctor.
  

• Hire someone else to do it. You can hire someone, if you can afford it, or you can barter with somebody.
  

• Let go of it altogether. You may decide, for example, that you have to stop volunteering for the next six months so you can spend time on your life. The gift of time is the most precious gift there is. Give it to yourself.
  

Read the next post for the conclusion of this two-part book review.